2008-09-26 at 8:19 p.m.
I have swum to far
out of my depth
and the sun has gone;
the hung weight of my legs
a plumb-line,
my fingers raw, my arms lead;
the currents pull like weed
and I am very tired
and cold, and moving out to sea
The beach is still bright.
The children i never had
run to the edge
and back to their beautiful mother
who smiles at them, looks up
from her magazine, and waves.
i love the art class (and the teacher and her man) more than i can imagine. i thank ms k with my life.
with everyone else taking care of themselves, it upsets me so much. i shouldn't let myself suffer this way. but i'm so weak. i am supposed to tell me to not disappoint myself by psychologically depending so much on my friends. to not by ill fall in love and later be left still wondering what i am. to love instead knowledge that i do hunger, and not medicate with self indulgence. my joys will always be joy. please do not forget reason to live yet.
i have discovered the beauty in letting light be still.
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