2009-05-24 at 9:38 p.m.
today is just a really bad day. it's not that bad things happened per se, but it's just this accumulation of feelings and being.today i couldn't get the words "i hate my job" out of my head. it was one of those intolerable days at work again where i just feel like there's nothing living in me, and still i have to smile and use a pretty tone with all the customers. i walk around the store and i feel like collapsing. i don't know if i'm really suffering from a lack of energy, or my mind is upset into feeling faint.
my new temporary boss can't stand the acid jazz i play in the store but doesn't want to use her own ipod for god knows what reason. and she thinks that "this fashion" techno cuts it as trendy music from barcelona. i make a joke with a customer i've been chatting with and serving for a long time, and then i get told off for saying something inappropriate. my lady boss meant no harm, and she's a nice lady, but i was just irritated and frustrated at everything. #1 people just don't have a sense of humour, #2 i don't know why i have to subject myself to this when i'm working for a company i can no longer respect (even if their clothes are kinda nice) they fired ken and that is just fucked up.
and they won't pay me my $500. it upsets me the more i think about it cause i really didn't have to pay it, but i did. it's just something very unfair i've been subjected to, and i don't know if i'm just being taken advantage of cause #1 why can't company insurance be claimed, #2 i'm a freaking part-timer. is this really fair??!! the bloody shutter doors cost me more than a month's pay.
okay and then i visit the dkny counter at robinsons and find out i've been cheated and sold diluted perfume. which isn't too bad cause at least it was really cheap. and i'm still going to try to sell that extra bottle.
the only thing is that it just adds up to this shitty real-world life i'm living right now.
and then i board 36 to have my expired ezlink card (with my photo from primary school) confiscated ONLY because i tapped it by accident, before tapping my current working ezlink card. and then i get into an arguement with the stupid bus driver cause i'm appalled by the situation and didn't want to lose my card, and to him i'm trying to "be funny" and uncoorporative. but what could i do but surrender it anyway. so i retreated to the seat just behind the driver's and silently cried the whole bus journey home. before i get off the bus i regain my composure and tell the uncle that i knew he was only doing his job, but he could have been nicer about it. (cause he was really being a bastard) he was like, you were trying to be funny blah blah blah but okay okay, and i walk out without replying, sit at the deserted stop outside VS and cry somemore. and to top it off there was a stupid cockroach that had to run around my feet.
i mean okay la, essentially it's a very stupid thing to cry over. but i wasn't crying cause of what happened, but because throughout the day (and in the days leading up to today) my life was slowly being sapped away, and with that breaking point i needed the opportunity to get it out of my system. it doesn't come by often.
actually the only thing i care about and hold on to is my education/career/future. because i'm IDEALISTIC. my response to every shitty thing in my life is, i still have art, i still have disney i still have _, or rather, i have these things to look forward to, to work towards, to give me purpose and a direction. but today on the bus i thought about how, if one day i find that i'm betrayed by my dreams and that there's nothing left, i'll be a complete wreck. COMPLETE WRECK.
and my favourite mug i bought from paperchase in secondary school is missing and i bet sri broke it but just doesn't want to admit it as usual.
last & next
newest archiveshost jonk
daniel xin
jotan-gent
buttcheeks dilly jules steph mandy yuelin weishan
jason jas-imah!
hot-hor anoifest bi-polar our panic! girl
DARTH VADER mindu the affair with the dim sum
ne-aij
grace emo feminist
jia hui
rakk
wow rakk again! and again
domo
danielle
k!loe
and his photos
daniel xin
jotan-gent
buttcheeks dilly jules steph mandy yuelin weishan
jason jas-imah!
hot-hor anoifest bi-polar our panic! girl
DARTH VADER mindu the affair with the dim sum
ne-aij
grace emo feminist
jia hui
rakk
wow rakk again! and again
domo
danielle
k!loe
and his photos
mandy yuelin weishan
jason jas-imah!
hot-hor anoifest bi-polar our panic! girl
DARTH VADER mindu the affair with the dim sum
ne-aij
grace emo feminist
jia hui
rakk
wow rakk again! and again
domo
danielle
k!loe
and his photos
jason
DARTH VADER mindu the affair with the dim sum
ne-aij grace
rakk wow rakk again! and again domo
danielle k!loe and his photos