heeheehaahaa

2009-06-18 at 8:46 p.m.

i'm halfway through reading my prep boards again, cause of ms chan's tactile project.

on one hand, i can clearly see how i try too hard. lol. i squashed sooo many words in and tried to use as varied a vocabulary as i could (cause i spent a hell long time trying to think everything up)

on the other, i think i'm very proud of myself. for actually pulling through. i dunno how the hell i did it. even now, rehashing the problems i tried to deal with during the conceptualization process, i STILL can't figure it out. lol. i feel just as confused and unaccomplished as i ever did. the same things i wanted to do (like express touch) haven't been achieved what the hell haha. i never actually fixed it.

it's just that along the way something came out of all this. it was something in itself, something that did fulfill many of my aims, but it's not the end.

hmmm looking at how haphazard my prep boards are, i think the reason why i had so much trouble putting it all together was cause i kept rejecting the need for a narrative. okay i think i've realised this before, but i'm feeling it's effects again.

haha omg this is nuts i'm going in circles. WHYYYYY. this is seriously nuts hahahaha i'm mad i'm never going to get anything done in life.

THERE IS NO SOLUTION TO INSANITY

RACHEL HO SURPRISE

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